The bedrock of any relationship.

 

That is how a man sent me an e-mail about how I need to talk about oral sex so much so that other women can have open minds to it; and I’m like really sir, he went further to write that many men are dying in silence or looking for it elsewhere.

I got another mail from this woman that said her life has been easier since she found this secret. So many things that my eyes have read as feedback from my last post is rather surprising.

 

 

Guess what, not one of them commented on the post publicly.

Then it comes to the fundamental problem of people detecting a problem and being  shy to talk about it and trash it out.

For very good reasons I have been in a position where I felt that all I believe in is the right and perfect way to go about everything. My husby also has very good reasons to behave and carry himself in a certain way because he believes it’s the best.

That however, did more harm to us than any good as we just carried on for a long while being unhappy with ourselves and each other. I am saying that there has to be a place of understanding in marriage. Understanding is only birthed by effective communication.

For instance, as a native yoruba somebody, I love to eat pepper and I had a good time with very ‘pepperish’ meals as a single lady but alas, on getting married my husby is direct opposite. He loves eating quietly without so much tears here and there.

I decided within myself to win him over; so I just continued with my pepper cooking; he tried severally to enjoy and finish his meals but it was obvious to me that as much as he tried he couldn't. We got talking and he made me understand why I cant continue my peppangelism (pepper evangelism).

It is either I continue to make the dining table a war front for him or I stop to also try the tomatoes side of life and be able to find some kind of balance so that we can both be happy.

Most of the issues in our marriages are like that; sometimes we have to move away from our side of the jungle to our partner’s side of the same jungle to understand how it feels there which will most likely change our perspective about several other things.

I am not a marriage expert but from my little experience, I know that for any union to sail to the shore both parties must first exchange sides and then find a mid-point together. It applies to our sense of style, taste of everything, sex life, attitude to people around, financial stand points and so much more. It affects literally everything.

Mutual understanding is key is any marriage. Let’s start talking to our spouses about anything and everything. That way, every ‘troublem’ (trouble/problem) will be properly resolved.

With God on our sides.